“I learned that sex equaled love, as long as I was willing to give it, I wouldn’t be alone.”(Jane)
Jane was seven years when her sex addiction started, she discovered a box of dusty porn tapes underneath her bed and saw the images of busty women with men worshiping them excited her. She wanted to be just like the women she saw in the pictures. She enjoyed looking at those tapes far more than watching cartoons like any other seven year old girl. When she was fourteen, she had her first boyfriend, and was able to preform sexual acts on him. She felt just like the women in the tapes and porn that she had been watching over the years and knew that it was because of the sex that he was with her, she believed that sex equaled love. As she grew older and had many more boyfriends, she felt that her duty was to make sure her partner was satisfied with sexual acts and felt that if she wasn’t giving him what he wanted, that he would leave her and she would be alone. Which was what she as afraid of the most-being alone. At the age of 18, she was raped by an ex and her sex addiction began to spiral. She wanted sex all the time and didn’t care where it was from. She wanted to regain the control she lost after the assault. She slept with men to feel validated. Her sex addiction became to spiral even more and she began to have sex with people she found on the internet. Her sister felt unsafe living with her because of the many people she had in and out of the apartment they shared. Her family then sent her to rehab for sex addiction. Although she still craves sex on a daily bases, she is recovering day by day and learning a lot about herself. She is realizing the she is unable to have sex in a healthy way and feels like being in a relationship right now will make her vulnerable. She knows that finding peace with her self will take time and she’s willing to wait.